Thursday, July 27, 2006

house of horrors

Alright, I am moved in. Well, for the most part:

I struggled quite a bit with the giant carpet covered kitty house. Let me paint a picture. It's about 20 feet tall and weights about 1,000 lbs. I'm not kidding, well, okay I am- but that's what it felt like when it slammed into my big toe after I dropped it. I carried that damned thing all the way down to my car. Then I fumbled while I attempted to cram it into my little car. I got a little angry and slightly violent. I broke the little window roller off my door as a result one of my many attempts to make the giant house of horrors fit into my tiny clown car. Then the she-hulk came out in me and I ripped it out of my car and immediately dropped it on my foot. This is where the giant roar that awoke half of the city came screaming from the deeps of my gut. I now hate that kitty house. Especially since I had to then carry it all the way back up to my old apartment.

So, I just need to move the kitty house and some outside lounge chairs that are also too big for my vehicle. Wish me luck, I don't know how I'm going to move them...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

all grown up

When I checked the mail today, I was pleased to find a health insurance card with my name on it!
I really feel like I'm an adult with my one bedroom apartment and my own health insurance and retirement. It makes me happy and sad all at once. I like feeling independent and mature, but I also like to feel like a kid. I want to be able to hand back my responsibilities from time to time, but I also realize that once you accept a responsibilities you gotta follow through with it.
So today I got to see Super Ex Girlfriend- the Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson flick. It was both cheesy and ridiculous- I laughed a lot.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Oh yeah, one more thing today. I just want to say that I'm really lame for thinking that I don't have anyone to count on. I have a ton of people who are there for me for anything, and I want you all to know that I would do the same. Although most of you don't live here, it still means a lot to me!

feel'n good

I apologize for the bi-polarness of my blog these days. One moment they are cheery and the next moment sad. This is a cheery one. Apartment hunt of summer 2006 is officially over. I found a place today. I will be living in a one bedroom. This will be my first time going solo. I'm excited for the change, and a little worried about being lonely. I cant keep the kitty cat, cat's are not allowed. That makes me sad. Other than that, I feel a huge weight lifted and I think things are going mighty fine.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Poetic genius

So I think that Nick Lachey would really increase his sales if he changes some of his lyrics. You know the one where he says something about taking his heart or whatever. I think he should change it to,

Now I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have -- what's left of me.
but please don't take the last of my toilet paper

oh and I googled those lyrics, please don't think im a lachey fan!

Disappearing Act

I am so so tired. I kind of feel sick. Im running on no sleep now. I want to sleep, but Im just too worried about everything. I still don't have a place to live. I have looked at so many apartments. I don't really care anymore. Will everyone just stop pooping on me for one second so my brain can recover.
isn't it interesting how movies try to reflect real life. Its kind of funny really. Even the really sad ones, that make you cry cannot really display how it feels. You know those movies where people simply disappear to escape whatever and then later on they are rediscovered in a new fantastic life. I really don't like those. They make me think that I can just disappear, but everytime I try I find I can't disappear from myself. I guess that's what I really want. I want to disappear from everything, including myself. Then I want to be discovered in a new life. One were everything works out perfect. Maybe if I close my eyes and take a nap, I will awake to find everything is good to go. I am ignoring the things that make me happy because I am stressed about things that make me sad. I just want to go to bed and wake up 3 months from now. I think everything will be worked out by then.

A fabulous day indeed

Today went my way, you might say.

Sorry, that was kind of lame
- but what could you really expect, I'm corny and sometimes a tad bit lame.

Why was today so fabulous?
Well, it was fabulous because it seemed as though everything was going well for me.

I had a good day at work.
I found a place to live.
I got to catch up with and old friend.
I discovered, upon checking my mail, that I will soon be the owner of a new(free) flip phone.
I can finally get rid of the crappy phone I currently use.
I also got a free pizza. My name was on the wall at the pizza place- so they too believed that today was my day.

So with all things taking a little spin in my favor, why do I still feel crappy?

Monday, July 17, 2006

make mine a double

I have decided that I have an addictive personality. I don't mean that people are addicted to be around me and my personality (although it is a fabulous personality- and so so humble). What I do mean by addictive personality is that I am easily addicted to things I enjoy. These things include coffee, mcflurries, blogging, running, and many other things (no worries, these don't include any nasty drugs).
I had two large cups of coffee today. They were yummy.
I went for a run. It was fun- but the weather was hot hot hot.
I watched the movie ShopGirl- because a friend told me it reminded her of me, but when I watched it- It reminded me of someone else.
I painted a spider. I thought that if I painted a friendly spider and hung it in my room that when I get afraid of spiders I can just look at it and remember that they can be friendly.
I tried to sleep, but that annoying insomnia thing came back again tonight.
Now I am writing a blog.
I really don't have anything else to say- I was hoping this would make me tired, but I think it made me more awake. Damn you blogger!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

a run and then get drunk

I feel tired today. I am sick of trying to find a home- why do I make this so hard on myself? grrr.
All I want to do is go for a run and then get drunk and pass out.

that is all the complaining for today- thank you

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

a small loan

If anyone has a little extra sparkle, can you lend me some. Mine must have fallen out of my eye.

Pooping behind a half door

Pooping behind a half door is what I would be doing if I choose to rent the one bedroom apartment I looked at today. At first it appears to be a nice basement apartment in an old house downtown. I walked around and noticed some strange doors. One door appeared to be a pantry or closet door. It was small and a good 3 feet up from the floor. I was shocked when I opened it to find a bathroom. I tried to step up into it and found that I couldn't stand straight, the ceilings were so low. It was the strangest bathroom I have ever seen. I left that apartment smiling, not because I had found a new home, but because I had found something so ridiculous it made me happy.

Monday, July 10, 2006

What, are you afraid of warts

this is the narf
he has nothing to do with what I'm about to write, but I created him in the likeness of someone I know in the real word (yes I actually sort of have a life outside of this cyber existence that you have come to know me by).

Anyways, here is the topic at hand.
I went for a run yesterday and was cheered on by an interesting fellow. He told me, "Rock on sister!" While making that rock and roll thing with his hand. He was running down the hill. I was running up. It made me happy- although it was a bit odd. I ran twice as fast to the top of the hill.

Today I went for a run. I saw the cute mountain biker who is always up there. He said, "Hello" I'm pretty sure that he is a nice guy- somehow I think I can judge people off of their random friendliness to strangers. As I was finishing my run, I ran past a strange group of people carrying a bucket. One of the girls said hello to me as I passed by. I said hello back. Then some guy asked me to stop and look at their frogs. I polity declined and ran really fast back to my car. As I returned to the safety of my car, I could hear him yelling, "What, are you afraid of warts?"

Sunday, July 09, 2006

half and half

I got about half a pot of coffee in the pot and the other half is on the counter top. Eh, 50% isn't so bad.

A sign of true talent

In my life I have auditioned for three school talent shows. I performed in one. That's a 30% success rate.
The first showing of my skills was in fourth grade. I grew up in a really small resort town in California. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I thought you should know that. So two of my good friends and I performed a dance skit to the music of Paula Abdul. We sewed our own tops. They were puffy white belly shirts. We worn them with those tight spandex black pants that were so hot in the 80's. Amazingly enough this was the only talent show that I actually made it into. Maybe because I was a member of the cool kids cliche. Or maybe because standards were low. Or maybe it is because I truly am a dancing queen.
The second attempt at stardom was in 7th grade. I was living in a different town now. This performance was also composed of two good friends and myself. There would be no dancing though, well maybe a little. We got poodle skirts and tied our hair into tight pony tails. It was a musical trio. The song: My boyfriends back. We had two backup singers, myself and another girl. During the audition, our timing got a little off and we didn't make it. I think I remember one of the popular girls telling me that I shouldn't sing that song because I could never have a boyfriend. I like to imagine her fat and bitter now.
My third attempt came the following year. I am a persistent little thing. I sang a duet with my best friend at the time. The song was "I believe I can Fly" by R-Kelly. Yes, yes, I am a nerd. I still remember all the words. Well, we didn't make it into this show either. At some point during our audition we screwed up or something. My friend stopped singing and asked if we could start over. That was the end of that. I never tried out for another talent competition.

dishwasher safe

Have you ever looked at the bottom of a country crock butter container? It says that it is dishwasher safe. The container is begging you to clean it out and use it again, after all the buttery goodness has been used up. The other day I put one of these handy containers to use. My coffee maker has lost its filter holder. So I cut up a butter container and cut a hole in the bottom to rig the coffee maker to work once again. I just turned it on and now I am in my room where I can't see it. I guess its like an adventure. If it works, then I will find a fresh pot of coffee awaiting me in the kitchen. However, if it doesn't work, I will find a fresh pot of coffee dripping down all my countertops and onto the floor. I hope it works.

"You must have very vivid dreams", they said.

A few months ago I had a crazy dream.

I often have dreams about swarming insects. Maybe I should be referring to these as nightmares rather than dreams. Anyone who knows me, knows that swarming insects freak me out. I can't even handle the sight of ant hills or bee hives.

So this dream...ack nightmare... started the same as any other. I fell asleep. This was back in the day when I still had a bed. Now I sleep on my friend's futon mattress on the floor. It is cozy I suppose. Well, thats another story- lets get back to the purpose of this blog, my nightmare.

There was a spider in my room. It was running on the floor, and I saw it moving so so fast. I tried to kill it with my shoe. It did not die. Instead it grew, at least twice its original size. It continued to run on my floor. It wasn't trying to get away from me. It was taunting me.

Again I attempt to end the spiders life, this time with a swift swing of a large hard cover book. I once heard that it is a sign of being out of your mind, or crazy, to continue to repeat the same action and expect different results. So I must have been crazy to expect the spider to die. As you may have guessed, it grew once again. This time into a little green bubbly cartoon monster. It was still small, maybe 3 inchs tall or so. This time it had also developed the ability to speak. And it did.

"You'll never catch me"

This little green bugger chanted this to me as it ran around my bedroom floor. I grabbed a blanket off my bed and caught it. It squirmed and yelled as I twisted the top of the blanket tight. Quickly, I looked around my room, unsure of what to do with this creature. I ran out of my room into the common area of my small two bedroom apartment. My roomate stood in the kitchen. She was surrounded by stacks of pancakes. Pancakes to the ceiling on every countertop. She held a pancake in her hand and was eating it while starring at me wide eyed.

I ran to the kitchen, ignoring the strange behavior of my roomate and accepting it as normal.

Pancakes filled the sink.

"Get these fucking pancakes out of the sink!",
I screamed at her.

She stared back at me with a blank expression. Continued to eat her pancake and did not move. Meanwhile, the little green monster was still squirming in the blanket that I now held with one hand as I tried to remove the pancakes from the sink.

Once the sink was cleared, I shoved the little guy into the garbage disposal.

I turned it on and listened to it as it screamed and was eaten alive by the machine in the drain.

I awoke the next morning and told this dream to at least 10 people.
"You must have very vivid dreams", they said.


First you think with your brain.
Only do what is right for you.
Don't take risks on the uncertain.
Be aware of what will hurt you.
Protect yourself.

Then cut out your brain and throw it down the garbage disposal.
Think only with your heart.
Take the risk.
See past the possibility of pain.
Forget all logic.
Take all you can get.
Be afraid to loose it.
Want it all the time.
Secretly know it will hurt you.
Completely aware that you can't have it.