Sunday, February 25, 2007

Okay, so I'm not really going to do this, but someone should

Frustrated and annoyed, I decided earlier today that I am going to start caring a horn around with me when I go shopping for groceries. When I find myself stuck behind two girls gossiping about Britney Spears, instead of politely asking them to move, I will hold my horn in the air and honk it loud. Later tonight after the last stock boy empties his last palette, I will break into the grocery store armed with yellow and white road paint. Tomorrow patrons will find dotted white lines on one way aisles and yellow lines for those aisles wide enough to support two way shopping cart traffic. Customers will no longer stand in the way of my mac & cheese and the store will move like a well oiled machine. There will be stop signs installed and customers will be required to use proper turning signals with their arms. If customers need to back up, they will be required to loudly announce this with a "BEEP BEEP BEEP" noise. The deli will work as a drive-through with two windows (one for ordering your deli items and a second to pick up). The check stands will work like a toll at a bridge or turnpike. Customers will push their cart though a large scanner that will scan all the items at once. Then they will quickly pay with prepaid shopping passes and be on their way. This will revolutionize the grocery store industry, or get me arrested. Either way, it sounds like a good adventure!

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