Awkward

I always have really awkward conversations with the guy that works here. I think it's partially because I cannot hear very well and also because I am awkward. I don't know why I'm incapable of having normal human interaction.

bang ****

I'm a nerd.
So last night I was super good and went to bed at 11pm so that I could get up early and take my car to the mechanic. I slept really well. I remember having a dream that I was with this guy I have never seen before and we were trying to run away from this other guy who was wearing a black t-shirt with red block lettering on it. For some reason we decided the best way to get away was to take plastic bags filled with gasoline and throw them into the nearby trees. Then we lit them on fire. I was in the middle of throwing a gasoline bag at a big willow tree when I heard, "Dude you can bang erika and shyla but I get hanna". This is when I woke up and realized that it was the neighbor downstairs talking super loud. I reached over and grabbed a pair of ear plugs and crammed them in my ears- it was 3am. The neighbors got increasingly loud as the night progressed. I couldn't fall back to sleep, even with my ear plugs in. There were a few moments when they got quite enough or I got tired enough to fall asleep. I had one of those half dream half hallucination type things. I thought my mom was in my apartment. I heard her ask them to quiet down and they politely agreed. Then she left and they got loud again. So I went out on my porch and told them that I needed to get up early and asked them to be quite. They laughed at me. ( Sometimes spatial issues get weird when I'm dreaming, so as they laughed at me, their patio moved up into a balcony on the other side of my apartment). One of the guys said that I shouldn't worry about getting up because time moves according to his laws. He then reached over and grabbed this mysterious clock that was suddenly mounted on the outside of the apartment building. He turned the time back and laughed at me again. Then I looked back into my apartment and saw my younger brother standing there. So I asked him to come outside and then turned to my neighbors and said, "oh yeah well tell my brother that, he just got back from Iraq!" My brother got the smug proud closed mouth grin on his face and popped his collar as he started to stroll towards my balcony door. This is when I woke up again. This time to the sound of the neighbors playing guitar. As if the pounding stereo wasn't enough. I think I got about 5 hours of sleep last night.
So here I am. I got up at 6:30 am. I got ready and headed toward the mechanic. The plan was to drop off the car as early as possible in hopes that he would be able to get it done sooner. The check engine light turned on a few days ago, so I figured it was time for a tune up. The problem is, I don't have the money to pay for a tune up. So when I noticed the light had turned off this morning, I decided to wait and didn't even take my car in. So all that and I didn't even end up getting my car checked. The light turned off the other night as well, I don't really know anything about cars. I'm probably causing more damage by not taking it in, but I just really don't want to charge the $80 on my credit card to get it tuned up. Ugh.
Sometimes I feel really stupid when I complain about things like money. Overall I have a fantastic life and when I hear the things my brother witnessed in Iraq or my friend's brother had to go through in New Orleans, it just puts it all in perspective. Things could be a lot worse and I really am blessed.
Okay, I'm going to sip my coffee now and maybe work on my website and sketch some pictures.
goodbye for now.

... shhh

Does this make sense to anybody?




As always, everything hit me at once.

Working late- that hasn't happened in a while.

I have to get up early and take my car to the mechanic. Then I'm leaving it there all day. I don't know what I will do while it is getting fixed. I think an adventure is in store... shhh

The last time I had to do something like this, I got lost in a rain storm in the middle of Providence RI. That was an adventure. I think I'm going to shoot for something a little different this time around. I really didn't like getting splashed by the NJ car. I was also very unsuccessful at hitch hiking.

Well farewell for now. I'm going home.

check engine light

The check engine light came on in my car when I drove to the coffee shop today. This makes me sad because money is tight and it might force me to postpone my labor day plans. It's due for a tune up... I hate my car right now.
I think the cute coffee boy tricked me into drinking caffeinated coffee at 9pm. There will be no sleep for me tonight. The other coffee goers are buzzing and chatting loud about the song playing oh so loud. Soon I will have to leave as the coffee shop will close.
I think I am going to run away- don't worry, I will be back. You might find me in Chile.

Adios!

I make my own dolls

she works at the Laundromat.
she counts out quarters in piles of four.
she makes her own dolls.

coffee goers

I really enjoy these little chocolate candies at this fun little coffee shop. They taste really good, especially if you put them in your cheek and drink coffee, it is like a mocha mix in your mouth- fantastic. I think more men should wear eyeliner, not all men, but more men - it looks really good on some.
I have been here for hours. I spent a long time sketching pictures of all the coffee goers- I didn't stop until I noticed some of them becoming uncomfortable by my constant glances. I think the people here are really interesting.
I drew a picture of the lady from the laundromat. I think I might do something with that later- its a fun little sketch.
Last night I was sitting down town and I saw a guy leave a building. This would have been perfectly normal, except he was wearing latex gloves and snapped one of them while he exited the building. There is something creepy about a well dress man leaving a building at night while wearing latex gloves.
Dancing is fun, but when I'm ready to get my grove on I have a hard time calling it a night so soon. They should allow the dancers to dance all night, down with time limitations. Actually make that down with time. I know there are other cultures that are not so concerned with time and deadlines. They put family and personal relationships above the importance of timeliness. I think I should find such a culture become a part of it.
So the race I run every year is but a few months away- maybe everyone should make bets on whether I can actually do it this year. My distance motivation has been down so I think it is in my best interest to participate in the half marathon rather than the full. Last year I ran the entire 26.2 miles, I'm thinking I will do the 13.1 and try and run it super fast. I guess only time will tell.
This year I think I might do thanksgiving in New England. Is that cliche? I don't care, I have a super amazing friend who I need to visit and since my birthday lands on the magical thanksgiving day, I think I deserve a little vacation. I'm excited. Maybe you all should make bets on this too, I've planned this trip many times over the last year and a half and have yet to make it. I always do the things I say I'm going to, it just takes me a while some times...

ahh this makes me smile

check it out:
home star runner

He still tells it

What did one burp say to the other?

Lets be stinky and go out the other end!




my dad used to tell this joke when I was a kid, wait he still tells it.

you are rude

"You are rude"
Those were the words of some random guy at a bar about 8 months ago. He thought that I had bad manners by not accepting the shot of tequila that he had offered to me. I actually thought I was very polite by declining it. I don't usually play games. So maybe that comes off as rude. Do you think if I continue to be a bitch to every guy who makes an advance that I will regret it some day when I'm old and unattractive? Or do you think that I might find pride in my ability to weed out the fake one night sex requests and hold out for something real. I hope pride is what I will feel. I guess only time will tell...

Precious Places

There were a lot of people outside. It was late evening after a rainstorm. The air was still heavy from the rain. The alley was cold and the walls were damp. They stood in a circle looking at the ground. In the mist of the crowd was a slimy bubble stuck to the old brick drive. It appeared to be the focus of attention. One man shouted out, "It's just a hobo, we should let it go!" I felt a tingle of fear upon hearing this request. Another man jumped out of the circle and popped the bubble. It became apparent that the creature that emerged from the bubble was believed to be a hobo spider. It looked nothing like any spider I have ever seen. It's legs were flailing but didn't appear to be the driving force of motion. It had a flat belly and moved about with ease. It seemed as if it was being pulled by some exterior force. The creature's body was a smooth yellow and appeared to be made of plastic. The crowd split and moved back as the "hobo spider" glided along in a fury. It moved towards me. I grew more afraid. I felt a heaviness in my right hand and looked down to find a can of bug spray. I wasn't sure where it had come from, but I found strength in it's presence and ran towards the creature. As I advanced towards it, I realized that it's face was that of a mouse. I had seen an animal like this before. I didn't stop.
With all my strength I held that can of bug spray with two hand and screamed as I sprayed the creature. It coughed twice. I woke up.

I had to think about it for a little while, but I figured out where I had seen that mouse like face. When I was a girl, I used to collect these doll houses called Precious Places. They were these elaborate houses that came with a whole family of little plastic dolls. Each doll had a magnet on the bottom and you could move them about the house by using a magnet wand bellow the thin plastic floor. My favorite thing in the house was always the little plastic mouse, except it was pink in life and did not have spider legs.

flooded trailers and frank sinatra

Is it so strange that I want to live my life based off of a sinatra song?

Yesterday was a busy day at work. I went to the laundromat that evening. I decided that I am going to illustrate all the characters I encounter there. I'm going to call it the lint series.

This is what I observed about the laundry people:

Some may be a little strange, but only because they are completely genuine and not afraid to be who they are.
Some might be very loud, but only because they have strong opinions and are not afraid to share them with the random people at the mat.
Some might seem completely normal while sitting in the corner reading a book. Those are the same ones with the shifty eyes who spend their hour at the laundry mat observing other people's life's while ignoring their own.

I went for a run through the hills after I got home from the mat. I had an epiphany during my run. I always have epiphanies when I run. I think it's something about being totally alone with your own thoughts. I don't listen to music or have any distractions that would allow me to hide from myself like I normally do. So this is usually the time when I figure things out in my head. On this particular run I decided that I want to dedicate my life to having adventures. I want to balance it out with a good stable job during the week. The rest of my life is to be spent traveling or pushing myself to do things I have never done. It would be nice to have a buddy to share this with, but I am no longer going to let that stop me or hold me back. Looking back on my life, the best decisions I have made were those that I did for myself and usually ended up doing alone. Ideally I would find an amazing person with the same drive as myself, but I have no reason to believe that that will ever happen.

Later that same night I went and visited an old friend. He just got back to town and moved into a one bedroom apartment nearby. He made me a couple margaritas and we talked about all the random things that make life what it is. It was a good conversation, I didn't feel the need to talk about the things that make me sad. We chatted about bum culture and plants. I went home around midnight.

I wanted to go to bed but I suddenly wasn't tired. So I thought I would call a friend and see what was going on. It was clear that if I wanted to do anything else that night, it would have to be hitting the bars. I really had no desire to do that. For some reason I just wanted to hang out with someone- maybe I should have stayed at my other friend's house longer.

So restless mind + loud neighbors = no sleep. grr
I had a dream that I moved into a trailer home that was built in the middle of a lake. When I moved in, the lake was drained. Someone neglected to inform me that the lake would rise again. I woke in my home one night and looked out the window to see the water had risen about 5 ft. I opened the window and pushed a log away that was floating in the water. I watched as the water rose above the window and swallowed my home. I wasn't worried at all until I realized that I had no way of getting to work. My car was also under the water.

I woke up at noon today, so I guess I must have fallen asleep at some point. I don't have to work until 4pm, so now I am hanging out at the coffee shop and writing this blog. Coffee is yummy.

Mya's house is haunted

Strange week.

I went to the laundromat for the first time on Monday. I talked to a lady who works there. She told me that she makes her own dolls, and then said they sell bottled water at the laundromat. I wasn't sure what the connection was between water and dolls but I'm glad she told me about both. I enjoyed the laundry mat and all its strange company. I will be back again soon.

The radio station hosted a free listener appreciation concert. It made me feel special to get free tickets to the show, even though it was a free concert and everyone got free tickets. Augustana was good, the opening band was horrible. I choose to drink rather than listen. By the time Augustana took the stage I was trashed and so was Alice. I realized that I have a lot in common with Alice and I enjoyed our girl chat that evening.

I was really hungover the next morning.
Sleep was my priority that night.
I didn't sleep that night.
New neighbors. Loud party.
They actually threw empty beer cans onto my balcony.
grrr I was so mad!

There was a freak storm on Thursday. I went for a run outside that evening. It was a beautiful day. After the run I took a shower. When I got out the weather had changed significantly. It was kinda creepy. I was pretty sure the end of the world was coming. The power went out in the North End. Crazy night.

After the storm passed, I went downtown to party party. I actually don't even remember a large portion of that night. I ran into an old friend that night. I'm a stupid compulsive drunk. I had so much fun.

I went to sushi last night.
I love sushi.
I ordered something different. It was good.
I found out that I don't eat food with eyes.
I also found out that I can talk a friend of mine into eating food with eyes.

After sushi we saw a horror movie at the fancy theater downtown.
I learned a lot about myself from that film:
I don't like horror films
I am not afraid of the dark.
I am afraid of the nasty slimy bald people climbing around in the dark.
I scream really loud in movie theaters.
I usually laugh right after I scream.
I think that mobiles and chickens are funny.

Mya's house is haunted.

After the movie we went dancing. Stupid guys kept hitting on mya and me. I am a bitch to stupid guys. I wish guys could just not be so stupid. I also wish that I could just not be so stupid. That was a crazy night. I don't know that I have ever partied that many hours in a row. We started downtown and ended up at some random guy's house in the middle of farmville. It was like a 20 minute drive to that house. I don't even know why we went. I had fun. It was so random. I found out that mya can drink a half bottle of sake by herself, even after she found a bug floating in her cup (thats dedicated drinking, she just fished it out and kept drinking). I also found out that mya knows a lot of drinking games. We played a few. I cheated each time. I only took one drink regardless of how many I was supposed to take. Those guys were really nice. We hung out until 6am.

I'm really tired.
I really like coffee shops with free wifi!

* In order to protect the identity of those involved. The names used in this blog are not the actual names of the real people they describe.

I wanna be young at heart

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you
If youre young at heart
For its hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind
If youre young at heart

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on its way

Dont you know that its worth every treasure on earth
To be young at heart
For as rich as you are its much better by far
To be young at heart

And if you should survive to 105
Look at all youll derive out of being alive
Then here is the best part
You have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart

And if you should survive to 105
Look at all youll derive out of being alive
Then here is the best part
You have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart

Check this out:
Ajin Design
He does some fun stuff with digital painting, I found this while admiring the great Frank Sinatra:

house of horrors

Alright, I am moved in. Well, for the most part:

I struggled quite a bit with the giant carpet covered kitty house. Let me paint a picture. It's about 20 feet tall and weights about 1,000 lbs. I'm not kidding, well, okay I am- but that's what it felt like when it slammed into my big toe after I dropped it. I carried that damned thing all the way down to my car. Then I fumbled while I attempted to cram it into my little car. I got a little angry and slightly violent. I broke the little window roller off my door as a result one of my many attempts to make the giant house of horrors fit into my tiny clown car. Then the she-hulk came out in me and I ripped it out of my car and immediately dropped it on my foot. This is where the giant roar that awoke half of the city came screaming from the deeps of my gut. I now hate that kitty house. Especially since I had to then carry it all the way back up to my old apartment.

So, I just need to move the kitty house and some outside lounge chairs that are also too big for my vehicle. Wish me luck, I don't know how I'm going to move them...

all grown up

When I checked the mail today, I was pleased to find a health insurance card with my name on it!
I really feel like I'm an adult with my one bedroom apartment and my own health insurance and retirement. It makes me happy and sad all at once. I like feeling independent and mature, but I also like to feel like a kid. I want to be able to hand back my responsibilities from time to time, but I also realize that once you accept a responsibilities you gotta follow through with it.
So today I got to see Super Ex Girlfriend- the Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson flick. It was both cheesy and ridiculous- I laughed a lot.

Support

Oh yeah, one more thing today. I just want to say that I'm really lame for thinking that I don't have anyone to count on. I have a ton of people who are there for me for anything, and I want you all to know that I would do the same. Although most of you don't live here, it still means a lot to me!

feel'n good

I apologize for the bi-polarness of my blog these days. One moment they are cheery and the next moment sad. This is a cheery one. Apartment hunt of summer 2006 is officially over. I found a place today. I will be living in a one bedroom. This will be my first time going solo. I'm excited for the change, and a little worried about being lonely. I cant keep the kitty cat, cat's are not allowed. That makes me sad. Other than that, I feel a huge weight lifted and I think things are going mighty fine.

Poetic genius

So I think that Nick Lachey would really increase his sales if he changes some of his lyrics. You know the one where he says something about taking his heart or whatever. I think he should change it to,

Now I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have -- what's left of me.
but please don't take the last of my toilet paper

oh and I googled those lyrics, please don't think im a lachey fan!

Disappearing Act

I am so so tired. I kind of feel sick. Im running on no sleep now. I want to sleep, but Im just too worried about everything. I still don't have a place to live. I have looked at so many apartments. I don't really care anymore. Will everyone just stop pooping on me for one second so my brain can recover.
isn't it interesting how movies try to reflect real life. Its kind of funny really. Even the really sad ones, that make you cry cannot really display how it feels. You know those movies where people simply disappear to escape whatever and then later on they are rediscovered in a new fantastic life. I really don't like those. They make me think that I can just disappear, but everytime I try I find I can't disappear from myself. I guess that's what I really want. I want to disappear from everything, including myself. Then I want to be discovered in a new life. One were everything works out perfect. Maybe if I close my eyes and take a nap, I will awake to find everything is good to go. I am ignoring the things that make me happy because I am stressed about things that make me sad. I just want to go to bed and wake up 3 months from now. I think everything will be worked out by then.

A fabulous day indeed

Today went my way, you might say.

Sorry, that was kind of lame
- but what could you really expect, I'm corny and sometimes a tad bit lame.

Why was today so fabulous?
Well, it was fabulous because it seemed as though everything was going well for me.

I had a good day at work.
I found a place to live.
I got to catch up with and old friend.
I discovered, upon checking my mail, that I will soon be the owner of a new(free) flip phone.
I can finally get rid of the crappy phone I currently use.
I also got a free pizza. My name was on the wall at the pizza place- so they too believed that today was my day.


So with all things taking a little spin in my favor, why do I still feel crappy?